In order to seek the Lord in this way we must recognize our responsibility and our ability as parents before the Lord. If we do not sense the responsibility for our children that the Lord gave to us, then we surely will not seek the Lord for His mercy, His grace, His leading, His kindness, His way, etc. Saints, do we realize that there will come a day for each and every one of us, as fathers and as mothers, to give an account to the Lord for how we raised the children He lent to us? The Lord is going to say, “Well, how did you raise those kids? Did you have Me in view or did you just do whatever you wanted to do according to your understanding and take a certain kind of pride because your child went to Harvard?” We may be proud of our accomplishment, but the Lord will ask, “Is that what I asked you to do?”

The Lord is going to hold us responsible and this is no small matter. As soon as you take on the responsibility of raising another life besides your own, automatically you are desperate to find the Lord and His leading. On the contrary, if we do not take the parental responsibility before the Lord, then we will be reactionary parents. You know how it goes: when your son or your daughter gets into big trouble when they are sixteen or seventeen years old then you begin to pray, “Oh, Lord, please save my son.” Sometimes the Lord may bail us out because of His loving-kindness and endurance. But many times the Lord may also say “You know it's kind of late for you to start praying isn't it?” Sometimes things get set in motion that are not that easy to change if left unchecked. Often, things that our teenage child gets into may take five years before it gets changed or undone. We are not implying that the Lord is not merciful when we fail, but we must realize that the Lord operates according to natural laws. If we do not trim the hedges they will grow. If we do not raise our children properly, unhealthy things will grow in them.

Again, the first principle that the Bible sets forth for parents is that parents are the responsible ones for the children, not the church and not the youth worker. How many times have we ourselves blamed those who serve our children in the church? We may have heard another parent say, “My son didn't go on with the Lord because of that serving one in our locality. He just didn't pay the price. He didn't know how to raise him up.” Brothers and sisters, God hates this kind of blaming. Actually this kind of blaming of others is a big excuse for what you did not do yourself. Any parent determined to properly raise up their children before the Lord will welcome with joy and open arms a youth work or youth workers in the church as a help to them personally. Serving saints are not a replacement for the parents' responsibility.

In my experience, I am so grateful that I have other brother and sisters helping me do my job of raising up my children. Those serving my junior high or high school child are going beyond their responsibility to God, beyond their own job. I always appreciate this! Why is it that we would never expect our children's school teachers to raise them up. Actually if we are healthy in our attitude, we do not ask teachers to give our children a good education. As parents, we make sure our children get a good education. Teachers then become a help to us.

The first principle of child-rearing is that “I take the responsibility.” And once I take the responsibility I am spontaneously desperate to seek the Lord and call upon Him often every day! “Oh, Lord, how do I raise the children You gave to me?” We will consider every avenue of their being from physical things to psychological things and to spiritual things of Christ. It is out of our love for our children that we pray desperately for our children. We are no longer under duty or reactionary discipline, but humbly seeking Christ for every step in their lives. Now, the biggest topic between husband and wife is to pray to seek the Lord, to ask the Lord what we should allow with our children and what we should not allow; who and what we should let into our house, and what we should not let into our house.

Let me emphasize something to you: we do not impose things on one another. When the Lord grants us His grace, His revelation, His leading, we do not impose this on others. On the contrary, we encourage them to seek the Lord. We may pray with them for this, but each parent must develop and cultivate their own personal relationship with Christ in regard to their own children. Saints, if we take an honest look around we will notice that many of our young people have left the church life. We should consider why and even ask them why. Our children will often mention that they felt a legalistic pressure to “do this” and “not do that.” I have seen some saints almost persecute one another in regard to their children. “How come you let your son do this, brother? Aren't you for the Lord's interest?” Then that brother feels pressured, forgets about seeking Christ and the Word for himself and forces his son to do something. This is not Christ. The side effects are worse: his son feels pressured and may eventually say, “I don't want to be a Christian because I can't do what you are telling me to do.” Actually, this kind of scenario happens all the time with Christians. In our so-called goodhearted help to others we take others away from Christ in the name of doing something right.

In the church life we have different backgrounds. Some of us are highly educated; some of us not so educated. Some of us come from cultured backgrounds; some are from uncultured backgrounds. Our nationality, our race, our culture, our education, our abilities, and our social status all play a part in how we raise our children. We may say that Colossians 3:11 annuls and rejects all elements of culture, race, social status, education and nationality. This is true in the church life among those mature in the divine life. However, we cannot prematurely force our spiritual views on our children. We are not raising a generic breed of children who all look alike, talk alike and act alike. The Lord created each individual child with a variety of human characteristics, cultural characteristics, natural abilities and capabilities. One person may be an excellent athlete but this goes against your educational background. What should you do? Seek Christ for your child's sake; not your background's sake. We should not impose certain things on our children or on others. But we as parents should live before God ourselves. We are accountable for our own children before the Lord. It could take fifty years before our own kids turn out proper before the Lord and hopefully we live that long to pray for them. We are struggling before the Lord all the time: “Lord what can I do now for my child's sake? What do you want me to do now? How should I live now in front of them?”