Always Dealing with Ourselves First

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0><tr> <td valign="top" colspan=2 height=90 BGCOLOR="#006699" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <FONT SIZE="5" COLOR="#FFCC66" FACE="Arial" ><B>For The Believers In The Body Of Christ</B></FONT><B>     |     </B><A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="For The Believers In The Body Of Christ"><U><B>home</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id391.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Message Outline (Parenting)"><U>Message Outline (Parenting)</U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id394.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Parents are Responsible for Their Childr"><U>Parents are Responsible for Their Children</U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id395.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Putting Our Children under the Moral Law"><U>Putting Our Children under the Moral Law</U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id396.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Fostering an Atmosphere of Love in the H"><U>Fostering an Atmosphere of Love in the Home as Imitators of God</U></A><B>   |   </B><B>Always Dealing with Ourselves First</B><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id398.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="On the Spiritual Side of Parenting"><U>On the Spiritual Side of Parenting</U></A></div> <div> </div> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" width=210 BGCOLOR="#FFCC66" TEXT="#080000" background="02ad2c00dkelyh.gif"> <div> <A HREF="id17.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Spiritual Food"><U><B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b7011899330000.gif" HEIGHT="19" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Spiritual Food</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id47.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Psalms, Hymns Spiritual Songs"><U><B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b7011899330000.gif" HEIGHT="19" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Psalms, Hymns & Spiritual Songs</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id147.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Gospel Outreach"><U><B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b7011899330000.gif" HEIGHT="19" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Gospel Outreach</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id159.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="About Us"><U><B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b7011899330000.gif" HEIGHT="19" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">"About Us"</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id186.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Contact Us"><U><B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b7011899330000.gif" HEIGHT="19" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Contact Us</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id187.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Related Links"><U><B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b7011899330000.gif" HEIGHT="19" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Related Links</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id639.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="JESUS IS LORD!"><U><B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b7011899330000.gif" HEIGHT="19" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">JESUS IS LORD!</B></U></A></div> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div>  </div> <bR> </td> <td valign="top" height=390 BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <I>Always Dealing with Ourselves First</I></div> <div>      This entire message has been to show us a kind of exercise that is reflective of the Triune God's operation toward us, His children.  Therefore, we always deal with ourselves first.  This is the principle of walking in the light as He is in the light (1 John 1:5-7).  Remember, to follow the Lord requires both the Spirit and the Word, issuing in a living.  So I have to walk in the light, meaning that before I do anything I have to be before the Lord for his adjustment, His checking, His dealing with my motives, His dealing with my intentions.  “Lord, I come to You.  I'm going to be with my son… Lord, I'm going to be with my daughter now … Lord, I have to discipline so I open to You.”  I do everything in the principle of walking as children of the light (Ephesians 5:8).  I am under the light of the Lord.</div> <bR> <div> <B>Becoming one with God, by passing through the cross, bringing our natural man with his old manner of life to death</B></div> <bR> <div>      The best way to parent our children is the cross.  What does this mean?  STOP your doing!  Stop your ideas!  Whatever is your way, whatever is your background, whatever is your culture, the first thing God would ask you to do is “Stop and come to the light.”  Whatever we practice due to tradition, habit, culture or race we must bring to the light.  I am not teaching an American way to raise your children or an Oriental way to raise your children or a European way to raise your children.  None of those ways work.  Only one thing works:  whatever is wrought in God.  So we come to the light whenever we see a problem or whenever we sense a need to meet.  “Lord, how do I meet this need in You?  “Lord, how do You want me to approach this?”   Many times it is you the Lord wants to stop.  Maybe your idea is a good idea, but still there will be some flavor of something other than God in it.  So you come to Him and ask, “Lord how do I talk to my son?”  I open to the Lord about my mood and my attitude.  Should I start off positively?  Should I even touch this matter?  You really deal with the Lord.  How far should I go?  How strict should I be?  When you are a person in the light, the Lord might lead you to be very strict.  Maybe in your home you never allow a TV or never allow music but you are very clear, this is from the Lord.  This is not my culture, this is because I have some speaking and shining from God.  So what I would like to do gets put to death.</div> <bR> <div>      A certain family from Hong Kong had two sons.  The oldest son was a genius on his way to MIT or Harvard.  Their second son was decent in school, but a super athlete.  This was not pleasing to his parents who had a strict academic background and emphasis.  “What good is an athlete?”  This son was also very good looking so he had all kinds of girl friends.  He had oriental girl friends, Caucasian girl friends, Spanish girl friends, etc.  When the parents' frustrations became too hard to handle they asked me what I thought.  So I proposed to them, “He's a great athlete.  Have you thought about occupying his time with sports?”  They almost died at this suggestion, so I quickly told them to pray.  And they did.  They opened to the Lord and eventually allowed their son to participate in sports.  This really preserved him.  He didn't have the academic prowess of his older brother who could study unceasingly, but he would go to one practice and come home and practice some more.  Then he would do homework.  He worked incessantly for four years!  And sin was kept buried under his being occupied with healthy things.</div> <bR> <div>           <FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#0000FF" FACE="Times New Roman" ><B>Allowing the Lord to deal with us</B></FONT></div> <bR> <div>      I am not advocating any particular way.  I am not for sports or against them.  I am not for every child going to Harvard, nor am I against it.  I am for each one finding Christ and being dealt with by Christ.  So often our culture needs the cross.  American children often need to be pushed in academics because we tend to be quite loose in this area.  We opened a school in Cleveland and all the oriental families loved the school.  “Push, push, push.”  The American parents complained, “How come there is so much homework.”  Both attitudes reflect culture, not Christ.  So we have to ask the parents who are typical Americans, “Is your child doing the homework?  Is he incapable of completing what is required?”  "No, they could do it."  Then what are you bothered by?  “Well, it's just too much.”  This kind of interaction just exposes that they are making the decision according to their culture.  Well, we are not for culture, neither are we against it; we are for God's speaking and for His leading.  Therefore, we are dealt with.  We are under the light.  </div> <bR> <div>      Look at how many opportunities to live Christ are in your family?  Look at the struggle that is needed before the Lord!  What is allowed?  What is not allowed?  How hard do we push our kids?  On one hand, some culture (maybe some Asian families) would push them too hard, but other cultures (maybe American families) would have to consider, “Am I pushing hard enough?”  We are outside of right or wrong and we are going by the Lord's shining.  </div> <bR> <div> <B>Making ourselves approachable, taking the initiative to approach our children.  Finding an entrance into them.</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Times New Roman" > </FONT></div> <bR> <div>      Your children are not going to be open to you because you told them to be open to you.  You can't sit down and say, “Son, I am your father!  Be open!  I said be open!”  This doesn't work at all to open communication.  In order to have our children open up to us we must pay the price.  Only God knows the best way to talk to our children.  Only God knows how to nurture and encourage our children.  So often I speak to my children and only me comes out.  I'll be rambling on and on and finally notice out of the corner of my eye that he was building the wall between us while I spoke.  Then I would have to go to the Lord and go back to my son to find a way, an entrance into his heart.  Without the Lord's shining, we will not find these ways but will only make demands on our children with the end result of no genuine, open communication.  It is the parents' responsibility to come into the light to allow the Lord to make us approachable people.</div> <bR> <div>      Proverbs tells children to hear the teaching of their mother and father, making them beautiful ornaments.  This means that if a child listens to what their parents say they will benefit from the wisdom of their parents' life.  One of the recurring themes in Proverbs is to listen to elders, the older ones.  Why?  Because they have passed through life and can teach us many things to avoid along the way and the things to emphasize and place more time in.  But what do most young people do?  They learn the hard way.  They ignore the lessons of life from others and have to learn all by themselves.  We must realize that children will not listen just because the Bible tells them to.  Someone has to pay the price to make them WANT to listen.</div> <bR> <div>      As parents we acquire a wealth of experience in living our human life, especially through failures.  We learn what is helpful and what is not so helpful.  We have a treasure store of worthy, worthwhile information for our children that they may be preserved from damaging themselves.  And then we find they are not receptive!  They don't want to listen.  Can we see the reason why?  A big mistake is to “shove” the Bible down their throat with the expectation that this will make them listen.  “Son, honor your father and mother.  Listen to us!”  It does not work in the long run.  Rather, the one with all the riches must all make sure that the communication is there so that you can deposit all the riches.  The best relationship we could foster with our children would be lifelong.  Our children never “leave” us, but would always look at us as the best resource to learn how to live their life.  They would seek and hunt for their parents' wisdom and help.  They would hunt for their parents' advice.</div> <bR> <div>      How many cases have we heard where parents force their advice or impose their will on their children?  The kids just don't want to hear it.  The reaction all too often is, “I don't want to talk to my dad because he'll just give me his opinion and force it on me.”  Of course, they want to leave and get away from their parents because the parents never took the time to be before the Lord in the light and find out what is really inside their child.  And even if they did, they did not go further into the light to find the entrance into their own child.</div> <bR> <div> <B>Becoming an intimate friend and confidant; communicating, reasoning and guiding by coming alongside; not provoking or vexing - Ephesians 6:4; Colossians 3:21</B></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id398.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="On the Spiritual Side of Parenting"><U><B>continue with "On the Spiritual Side of Parenting"</B></U></A></div> </td> </tr></table></body>