The best influence on our children is our own love for the Lord. This does not mean that we are perfect. There is nothing wrong with reconsecrating your whole life to follow the Lord for the sake of your family. What the children will notice is the fragrance of God, not the fragrance of perfection. If perfection is our goal, then surely we will be frustrated because we cannot be the perfect father or the perfect mother. We are always under the cleansing of the Lamb! All of these principles are beyond us but we have to know them because they are the Bible. The standard that the Lord sets for a father and mother is so high. Therefore, we constantly struggle to find the Lord according to the model and principles set forth in God's Word, but we realize that we will always fall short. However, the atmosphere in our home can be one that the children know their mother and father place God at the center of the home. This fragrance the children will never forget. Some people can be better behaved in their parenting, but lack the fragrance of being Christ-seekers and lovers of Christ. This fragrance becomes something recognizable to the children so they know when they are in God's presence and when they are not. They will also begin to seek to be in God's presence.

When do we begin to emphasize spiritual things with our children? when we sense that something of the Lord is present. When our children are in fourth, fifth or sixth grade our children may begin to sincerely ask questions like, “Daddy, what does it mean to be born again?” Now you realize that God is doing something in their life. “Mommy, why would someone want to get baptized?” Again, you realize that something is going on. We should not impose something on them, but seek the Lord to know what the Spirit is doing and how much He is doing with our children.

For us to do anything spiritual especially in regard to our children's spiritual development must be by the Spirit. It cannot be by what we insist upon. How spiritual we desire our children to be depends on how much the Spirit is working in them. We can use “worldliness” to illustrate this point. I am not referring to sinful behavior because that we should denounce and cut off. We have the moral ground to do so. However, there are many things of the world that we face with our children as they grow up. What is worldly and what is not? It all depends on the work of the Spirit in one's life. Everyone of us is worldly depending on what aspect someone wants to accuse us in. We may have “overcome” certain worldly pleasures, but there are so many other worldly matters that we have not overcome. The standard of worldliness in our life is determined by the Spirit's operation in our life.

What will make us shed any aspect of the world? The work of the Spirit in our heart. What will make us drive one type of car rather than another more luxurious one? We may love luxury cars, and there are no verses that say, “Thou shalt not drive a luxury car,” but one day the Spirit convicts us, “Why do you love this car?” At that point, that car becomes worldly to us. Some executives or businessmen need luxury cars for their business contacts. This is something of the world, yet it may be fine according to the Spirit's leading. Possibly the Lord would ask such a one to get a lesser vehicle and offer Him more money, but that is up to the Lord, not our self-imposed standards. We can only be rescued from things of the world by the work of the Spirit.

Music is a big matter with children. What do we allow and what do we not allow? First, we must seek the Lord ourselves as to what He allows for our children and how much He allows for our children. There are certain kinds of music that are blatantly sinful with vulgarity, promiscuity, disrespect for life and for others, etc. Morally, we have all the ground to prohibit such music in our homes. Yet, there are so many “shades of gray” in terms of the music kids can listen to and it is difficult to know what should be allowed or not. Therefore, we must seek the Spirit's leading according to His operation in our child. When does the music become “worldly?” When the Spirit tells that person so. It is by God's work within that person.

So as parents and as saints in the church, we lead children to Christ not to behaviors or practices. Therefore, there will be all sorts of children in the church life doing all sorts of different behaviors. We should neither be for things or against them. But we should rather bring everyone of the children to Christ for His speaking and leading in their lives. The church should be so broad to allow the Spirit's work in such a way and this should match the parents' labor in their home. For example, a father and mother at home are immovable concerning moral matters and that is the way it is. “You are going to study, you are going to work hard, you will not do certain sinful things, and that's the way it is!” However, concerning spiritual things we cannot force the matter, but bring them to Christ. My son went off to college and did not go to any church meetings because he just does not like them. I didn't rebuke him or force him to go, but said, “That's okay, son, but you do love the Lord so you should be in the Word everyday and ask the Lord to give you a companion to pray with and share with.” He had an experience one year in which he missed his bus to come home and he spontaneous began to pray. For that entire year after that, he purposely walked the three miles home just to spend time in prayer with the Lord. But he doesn't go to church meetings. What am I supposed to do? I need to say, “Keep walking and praying! He'll teach you how to follow Him. God knows how to raise you up. Just spend time with Him and communicate with Him.” My son's spiritual growth is up to the Lord's teaching in his spirit.

Do we see the dichotomy? We can be so strict in terms of morality at home, and yet leave freedom in the spiritual things for the Lord's timing and work in our children's lives. This requires that we parents become spiritual people. Otherwise, we will become demanding on our children and impose our spirituality on them when they do not have the capacity to receive it, understand it, or live it. They do not have the grace that we have because they need the same kind of relationship with the Lord that we have developed over years. Children often reject the Lord as they grow up due to parents' imposing in such a way. Actually, they are not rejecting the Lord, but what was imposed on them by their parents. Any born again person wants to love the Lord Jesus Christ, but they do not want imposition from others for which they themselves do not yet have grace.

What can we do for our children spiritually? We can always encourage them to talk to the Lord genuinely and honestly. We can always help them to read the Bible as a regular habit. We can always pray with them for their friends and for matters of life that they have to deal with. One grandfather used to walk with his grandson regularly. The grandson felt this was kind of boring, but respected his grandfather. They would just walk and not necessarily say too much. Then at the end of the walk the grandfather would ask, “Do you read your Bible everyday?” And the grandson would apologetically say, “No.” But when the walk was over the grandson always had the feeling that he should read his Bible. Then the next walk ended with, “Do you talk to the Lord everyday?” That was all the grandfather would say to him. Why? This was to establish life practices within his grandson. These practices are to support and establish one's relationship with Jesus Christ.

There are certain life practices that render growth and stability to us as we grow. With young people we always encourage them to read the Bible, pray genuinely to the Lord and memorize scripture. Sometimes we would have contests with prizes as incentives for memorization. Other times we have Bible reading projects with rewards. This sounds like commercialism, right? But the idea is to develop healthy habits using life practices that will allow them to get some dispensing from the Lord regularly. We are not so concerned with their outward behavior as with their relationship with the Lord. So life practices strengthen this relationship.

To instill life practices at home once a child is saved is easy and not intimidating. We just encourage the kids to read their Bible, to talk to the Lord. When they forget we gently remind them and come alongside to help them begin again. Focus on the life habits rather than on the issue of what we think ought to come out in their behavior. For example, it is damaging for parents to say, “You read the Bible and act like that?!” Rather we should focus on what is going on inside of them. The secret is to spend time with the children in the healthy practices which render life so they can be fed spiritually. We close our eyes and ears to much of their behavior and focus on the positive life habits of being in the Word, communicating with the Lord and us, and realizing that this will produce the spiritual changes in the Lord's timing in their lives. It may take one year, two years, five years, but God's economy is to dispense His divine life within all His children and that will produce the grace to live what God requires of us. We “eat” and “drink” the Lord and an organic change will take place within them over time.