I have heard many saints try to reason a way that makes sense out of the Lord's sovereignty in terms of a husband's role and the wife's role in marriage. If we read the following two passages, we find the common roles that the Lord commissions for each of the spouses.

21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 Wives, be subject to your own husbands as to the Lord; 23 For a husband is head of the wife as also Christ is Head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the Body. 24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also let the wives be subject to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives even as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her 26 That He might sanctify her, cleansing her by the washing of the water in the word, 27 That He might present the church to Himself glorious, not having spot or wrinkle or any such things, but that she would be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way the husbands also ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his own wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, even as Christ also the church, 30 Because we are members of His Body. 31 For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall be one flesh. 32 This mystery is great, but I speak with regard to Christ and the church. (Ephesians 5:22-32)

3:1 In like manner, wives, be subject to your own husbands, that even if any disobey the word, they will be gained without the word through the manner of life of their wives, 2 Seeing with their own eyes your pure manner of life in fear. 3 Let your adorning not be the outward plaiting of hair and putting on of gold or clothing with garments, 4 But the hidden man of the heart in the incorruptible adornment of a meek and quiet spirit, which is very costly in the sight of God. 5 For in this manner formerly the holy women also, who hoped in God, adorned themselves, being subject to their own husbands, 6 As Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord; whose children you have become, if you do good and do not fear any terror. 7 Husbands, in like manner dwell together with them according to knowledge, as with the weaker, female vessel, assigning honor to them as also to fellow heirs of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. (1 Peter 3:1-7)

As we look at these two passages, it is not too difficult to pick out the two major roles that almost all people, whether saved or not, attribute to husbands and wives. The husband is to love his wife and the wife is to submit to her husband. These two roles assigned by the Lord through His servants, the apostles Paul and Peter, around A.D. 65 are hard pills to swallow in a modern age ... especially in an age where feminism has become quite strong.

I'd like to gently question many saints, especially pastors, priests, elders or leading ones, who attempt to rationalize the reason the Lord told husbands to love and wives to submit. I have heard things said like, "husbands naturally tend to submit so God asks them to love because they do not naturally love, and wives naturally tend to love so God asks them to submit because they do not naturally submit." Isn't this kind of rationale as natural and unspiritual as so many other statements made by chauvinist males and feminist females? Let me illustrate in this way: I know only a few men, but I just don't know many men who 'naturally submit' to anything!! Most guys I know are brash, independent, even trying to be 'swashbuckling' as they swagger around town! We call them "Monday morning quarterbacks" or "hero want to be's." It seems a joke to consider men having a natural submissiveness. Just run down to the local Auto Parts Store and tell those guys that they really need to be submissive to one another and watch what happens!! It seems that everywhere I go, people are always complaining about their boss, their colleagues at work, etc. because they want to be the boss.

Isn't this kind of reasoning very natural and, therefore, not according to the spirit? Why? One of the main reasons is because all men and women are natural and in the flesh apart from the Spirit. Husbands can neither love their wives nor submit to anyone else unless Christ lives in them and out of them. Likewise, wives can neither submit to the husbands nor love them unless Christ lives in them and out of them. Every move we make, every breath we take needs to be in spirit, in Christ, in Him.

In other words, it is impossible for a husband to love his wife apart from Christ's divine life empowering him. Likewise, it is impossible for a wife to submit to her husband apart from Christ's divine life empowering her. It is just as impossible for a husband to submit and for a wife to love apart from the Lord's life operating within. Saints, my feeling is that everything we do must be in faith, according to faith and motivated by faith. None of us can please God apart from faith.

God is God. He, based on Himself and His economy, determined that when he wrote concerning marriage, He would particularly stress love to the husband and particularly stress submission to the wife. It does not mean that a husband does not need to learn submission in Christ nor does it mean that a wife does not need to learn love in Christ. It's just the way the Lord chose to emphasize His written word.

It seems to me that we try to "defend" God and His word according to our natural ability and understanding. We attempt to appease the strong feminist reasoning and placate the dominant chauvinist, male-oriented society. Only faith, day by day and moment by moment can satisfy the seeking heart and answer the call to obedience that the Lord gives to each one as He wills.