This article was written based on a letter written to a brother in Christ who was a leader in the same organization I was in. I believe many saints are struggling with practices, questions about teaching, authority issues, and much more in their own local assemblies. You are not alone. This article does not point out the right or wrong way to proceed, but offers fellowship to those pursuing Christ and facing difficult issues in their present church setting.

I had served the Lord full-time for close to nine years in a non-denominational organization. I gave my life to the pursuing of Christ in this organization until eventually I felt led by the Lord to stop serving full-time and eventually to stop meeting with that particular group altogether. I found many practices in the organization to be questionable and therefore, have ceased to do them out of obligation. As a result, leading brothers have spoken harshly and critically to me and about me. The leading brothers' meetings always bothered me because of the perfunctory prayer among brothers and the strong direction given by leading ones. I no longer attend those meetings either.

For the first year and one half, the Lord worked in my life to heal some wounds and turn my negative disposition into something a tiny bit more positive in Him. Our goal is to have relationships in Christ and going to church meetings only affords us the opportunity to sit and watch the unwritten "program" and have no time with the saints personally and affectionately. We are, however, open to fellowship mutually with any and all saints the Lord puts in our lives in order to pursue Christ and the building up of the Body. As you might imagine, saints may have the wrong impression about me and what I'm doing.

Please do not think I am attacking this organization. I just have honest questions before the Lord and desire open, honest fellowship with brothers. Many times over the past 13-year involvement with this organization, I would be fed and incited to pursue the Lord in a way that matched my inner man, but did not fit into the status quo. Many things saints spoke openly about I had touched privately before the Lord and yet had no outlet to act on these things while in the organization. I just knew in my heart that the Lord wanted me free from the "systematic" operation of the organization to pursue Him in a different way.

The leading authorities in that church group had their way of pushing me away. I had been a leader of the young people, for example, and directed summer camps. I was informed that to further participate I must understand that I can attend but not exercise anything of my own burden from the Lord. Another leading brother inferred that since I did not attend meetings, I could not have any spiritual burden. Lastly, an elder of one church asked one of his congregation whether I had damaged his conscience because this brother knew me and was also questioning some matters in the church.

You are at a very important but also sober juncture in your Christian life. Many brothers come to a point where the practices in their local church do not match their inward feelings toward the Lord and His Economy. This is normal and expected. The Lord's economy is of life and truth which is constantly progressing as our experiential knowledge of the Person of Christ matures. As that knowledge matures, by necessity, so do our practices. Just like your child's outward conduct changes as they grow humanly. The problem lies in recognizing that it is not the practices that are wrong. They can have their place in their time. There is nothing right or wrong. It is just what is of life to you at any given point in time. But what often happens, in fact usually happens, is that brothers pass through this juncture more angry about what they came out of then aggressively pursuing a Christ Who is calling them forward to a richer and deeper subjective experience of Christ and His cross. Anger comes because we overextended our "stay." That is we continued in something we knew inwardly was not exactly right, but our outward doctrines kept us there and we "overstayed" our grace for that environment. The result: anger, bitterness, blame.

Believe me, I know this from first hand experience. I watched how most brothers took the negative route and eventually they did not grow in the riches of Christ, but rather slid into the world and became lukewarm. If possible, you should see this as a very, very positive time in your life. The Lord wants you to know Him as you have never known Him before. And He wants to teach you how to live in Him as you have never lived in Him before. What I have found in the past three years is a Christ that I never knew before. And ironically if I had not left Christian Work I would not have had the environmental situations to teach me what has been revealed to me. However, your focus must be on Him and not on what you perceive to be a negative environment of the past.

1. Deal with any anger or bitterness before the Lord. Right or wrong, if you harbor or exhibit anger or bitterness about your past, you are in your flesh and a prime target for the evil one. Give yourself no room for enmity, strife or divisiveness.

2. Begin an earnest pursuit of the Lord Himself. At this juncture you may find the Lord in ways, people and events that you never imagined He could reveal Himself. He will often appear to you "outside the box" and teach you things about Himself and you that are outside of your own religious paradigms. Be open. Judge nothing. Pay keen attention to the inner voice.

3. Ask the Lord to lead you to particular books or particular portions in the Bible from which He can speak directly to you. Also, ask Him to lead you to spiritual literature which will be timely, like having fellowship with the author who the Lord wants to place in your life just at this time.

4. You are in a tremendous struggle. The Devil will work overtime on your mind and in your circumstances to beat you down and bring you to unbelief. You, however, must consecrate yourself time and time again, declaring, at least by faith, that you wish to be pure and absolute for the Lord and His will alone. Even in your befuddlement, this simple fact remains constant. You are the Lord's. He can and will finish the work He has begun in you.

I hope this little bit will be a help. I will pray for you to come out on the other side positively. Outside of religion, yet filled with a love for the Lord and a love for all the brothers (even those who may have mistreated you.) Believe me, brother, the Lord is far, far bigger than all of our history.